


My Hot Boyfriend (and My Even Hotter Girlfriend)

by theunholy



Category: IT - Stephen King, mosquito - Fandom, vampire - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hot, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:41:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22388851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theunholy/pseuds/theunholy
Summary: (Y/N) is a normal girl just minding her life even though people are throwing themselves at her left and right. However, one day at school, she trips and finds herself in her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbor-classmate's arms and he's actually really hot? But trouble arises when her even hotter mosquito friend shows up.
Relationships: Pennywise (IT)/Reader, mosquito/reader, vampire/reader
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [everyone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyone/gifts).



(Y/N) walked shyly down the school halls, tossing her luscious (H/C) hair out of her face as countless pubescent boys chased after her. She batted her long silky eyelashes that are so long they are used to swat flies. Her eyes were a golden (E/C) in colour and they were also luminous, glowing in the dark like stars. She wore a baggy sweater with sweatpants and got away with it, even though there was a strict school uniform policy. 

But (Y/N) wasn’t like other girls.

“Man I’m so ugly,” (Y/N) thought to herself. Although there is always a constant onslaught of teenage stalkers following her everywhere, she somehow cannot see or notice them, despite their high-pitched fanboy screams. It was almost as if she has amnesia on a daily basis. As she continued walking down the halls, she hears a high-pitched buzzing coming at her at full speed.

“(Y/N)-SENPAAAAAAAAAAI,” they all whined harmoniously. However, she once again could not hear them, as she wore her earphones to listen to the least popular artist of all time - Billie Eilish. 

(A/N - heyyyy guys omg you NEED to listen to Billie Eilish I know none of you has ever heard of her but she’s like such a good artist omg omg)

Soon enough, she got bored of listening to the least popular artist of all time so she switched her music to her favourite music genre ever - jazz. As soon as she touched her non-existent phone, her fan-mosquitoes started swarming all over her head, messing up her beautiful, luscious ebony hair. “STOOOOOOOP!!!!!!” (Y/N) screams her very girly scream, flailing her arms everywhere in a very anime-girl style. She squealed loudly, wanting the mosquitoes to leave. But sadly the mosquitoes refused to go away as (Y/N) was too beautiful and perfect and captivating. 

While she was trying to get rid of mosquitoes, she tripped over her third leg which happened to be lying on the floor and fell in slow motion, screaming “KYAAAAAAA!!!!!” Everyone’s life flashed before their eyes as they all rushed to catch her. 

Then suddenly, her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate appeared out of the blue and catches her, his wild yet gentle blue eyes flashing with concern. (Y/N) swooned. He flipped his golden, shiny and perfect blond hair back and gave her a charming smile, showing his sparkly glow-in-the-dark canines. The lights turn off to show how much they glowed in the dark. His school uniform was nicely pressed and had no wrinkles on it. 

(Y/N) stared at him in awe. “Are you ok,” he says stoically and handsomely. (Y/N) nods, she is speechless. She gazes into his deep ocean blue eyes and he stared back. They both looked into each other’s eyes shamelessly. The only problem was that (Y/N) had to squint in order to look at his beautiful eyes as his teeth were too bright and wondrous. They were the light in (Y/N)’s hopeless, desolate life. She had been searching for it for a really long time. (Y/N) has always been searching for a purpose in her life and now she has found it. “You are my star,” (Y/N) whispered breathlessly. However, the intimate moment is interrupted by the annoyingly loud school bell. All the mosquitoes buzz angrily and fly away. 

“I’ll walk you to your next class,” he offers, smiling that glow-in-the-dark smile of his. (Y/N) swoons and faints. Everyone panics again.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’ll walk you to your next class,” he offers, smiling that glow-in-the-dark smile of his. (Y/N) swoons and faints. Everyone panics again. 

~~~~~random-unnecessary-time-skip-every-wattpad-novel-has~~~~~

(Y/N) wakes up with a jolt. 

“W-where am I?”, she stutters bewildered. 

“You passed out earlier, are you okay?” Her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate said, his watery eyes filled with concern as he leaned down and placed his beautiful hand with unbelievably long fingers on her forehead to check if she has a fever. His nails were a perfect pink colour and also glowed in the dark. His hand was cool and full of calluses. (Y/N) leans into his soft sweet touch, enjoying the cool feel. She suddenly wonders how cold his feet were, and had an extreme urge to touch them. She holds herself back, telling herself that she can do it another time.

“Yeah, I feet- I MEAN FEEL fine,” she exclaims, blushing a bright pink like an anime girl. She is so UWU. Her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate sighed and pulled his hand back. Suddenly he started crying, tears of blood streaming down his face. He felt a little depressed. He pulls out a steak ()and nearly stabs himself with it to commit suicide. 

“NOOOOO” screams (Y/N). She inhales his mouth down her throat and chokes on it. “OH NO” her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate screamed. He does CPR for her, kissing her deeply. There are sparks so intense that her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate explodes and catches on fire. She screams and watches in fear as he burns to death. However……………………………………………………. He does not die because he is a vampire - werewolf hybrid and vampires do no such things.

Despite this, she runs into his arms and sobs dramatically. He pats her head and pulls off his shirt so she can use it as a tissue. She ignores this and stares at his sex pack with a burning gaze of Desire. He started flexing at her. There is sexual tension between them and they nearly do the do before the nurse conveniently and annoyingly bursts into the room. The nurse gets mad at them and constipated him. She tucked him under her arm like a piece of cardboard and started heading towards the toilet to solve her constipation because she was very constipated. She picks up a banana on the way. (Y/N) stomps her foot and starts wailing and screaming. “IT’S NOT FAIIIIIIIIIIIIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

(Y/N) cries. She knows the nurse is secretly in love with her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate, and she is willing to do anything to stop the evil nurse from seducing him. She grabs a knife and throws it at them. (Y/N)s hot vampire-childhood friend-neighbour-classmate, who was still tucked under the nurse’s arm, gets hit by the knife. He starts bleeding everywhere. The nurse is scared of blood and faints. “(Y/N) senpai…. help me….” he rasped, dying. (Y/N) realises that he is a vampire and is very betrayed. “YOU LIED TO ME” (Y/N) screamed at him. 

”Wait-“ 

“WHATEVER YOU PROBABLY HAVE AIDS ANYWAYS!!!!”

(Y/N) runs off, tears streaming down her beautiful and perfect face. They flowed down her face in a 90-degree angle of perfection. There was no snot included in this process.

How dare he cheat on her. She seethed. (Y/N) could not believe that her only hot vampire boyfriend had cheated on her. It doesn’t matter that they weren’t even dating. She regretted all her life decisions. She raised her arms to the sky and cursed the earth and everyone in it. 

She started to put black eyeliner onto her face and started making slime in a toilet bowl nearby as she thought about how betrayed she was. (Y/N) let go of a shuddering breath she did not know she was holding, her childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate bleeding to death somewhere in the background. 

She cried sexily while angrily making slime in the school toilet. She was so sexy it was a curse. 

“Why is my life so perfect it’s a curse!” she moaned sexily. Suddenly, sexily, there was a sexy explosion as a sexy hot girl sexily burst in through the sexy windows. She sexily fell onto the sexy floor and sexily started to cry. It was sexy mosquito sexy chan! She was so sexy that the floor and the walls of the room started slurping across the globe. 

(A/N: This causes the remaining sentences of the chapter to be plagued with nothing but sexiness. THIS WILL BE SO HOT!!! ENJOY!!!!!) 

Sexy mosquito sexy chan sexily growled under her sexy breath. “Mine” she sexily whispered, her sexy voice sexy and sexily rough. She sexily kidnaps sexy (Y/N), twirling sexily like a sexy ballerina who is sexily carsick. “STOP!!!!!” Sexy (Y/N) screamed sexily, trying to sexily catwalk-run away from sexy mosquito sexy chan. Sexy mosquito sexy chan sexily knocks sexy (Y/N) out, who sexily faints. Sexy mosquito sexy chan sexily carries sexy (Y/N) as if she were the sexiest person in the sexy universe to her sexy house. 

Suddenly, sexily, her sexy hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate appears out of sexy nowhere and sexily kidnaps the sexy mosquito sexy chan, sexily running angrily towards the nearest sexily depressed alleyway. The alleyway starting moaning and crawling at the same time. It puckered it's lips, wanting someone to kiss it on it's beautiful (nether) lips. Pretty please. The sexy alleyway then started pole dancing at a gas station nearby, it was such an eyesore that the gas price plummeted. I’m so sorry. 

Sexy gas station #2 heard the request and put his thingy into their you-know-what and DID IT FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!! They UWUed together. 

“YOU ARE MY MATE!!!!” says sexy gas station #2. It was so hot and steamy that the world exploded. Global warming got even more worse.

“Can’t you guys be more like Beany Eyelash for once????” questions (Y/N), swatting flies with her eyelashes, her eyelashes were so long, she started flying in the airlike Dumbo but dumber. The flies all over the world were swatted away to Mars. She has caused global extinction of flies. “Also this is MY story, no one wants to hear about a SEXY GAS STATION!!!!” she screams at the US election, enraged. Everyone clapped and voted her as president. She refused the position, spitting enzymes at everyone. 

“OMG (Y/N)IA SENPAI IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME,” the entire world apologised since everyone is in love with her. Mosquito chan proceeds to kidnap her again, irritated that she got booted out of the story. She knocks (Y/N) out and carries to her house. At that very moment, the door to mosquito chan’s house bursts open, revealing her parents. 

“Hi, mosquito chan, me and your mom will be going on a 20 year vacation to antarctica for our second wedding anniversary. “ Mosquito chan’s dad said. 

“Okay” replied mosquito chan, stuffing (Y/N)’s corpse into a closet. 

“Also, you are sold to One Direction, One Direction owns you now. Goodbye.” with that, mosquito chan’s dad leaves for Antarctica. 

Mosquito chan gets mad, she brushes her long silky, wavy, sexy, black and white hair out of her beautiful, heart shaped face, huffing in annoyance. Her almond shaped, emerald eyes were filled with annoyance...until they landed onto (Y/N)’s kind-of-dead body in the closet. She cooed to her like a duck and tried to feed her peanuts.

“DISGUSTING” screams (Y/N), slapping the peanuts out of her hand. The peanuts tap-danced out of her hand and hid in her hair, causing (Y/N) to shake her head vigorously. She shakes her head in slow motion, light catching her gorgeous hair, making it glow. It catches on fire. The smell of roasted peanuts filled the air, causing (Y/N) to scream more. “I hATE PEANUTS,” she screamed. Since she was allergic to peanuts, the world started to swell around her. (she is too perfect to swell up. Swelling is for losers). (Y/N) pointed at the portrait of Elon Musk on the wall. “WHAT IS THIIIIIIIIIIIS,” she screeches, jumping up and down like a cat. 

“Why it is Pee-on Must of course,” replied (Y/N)’s secret hot mosquito girlfriend chan who was watching this whole scene.

(Y/N) screams because she does not like losers. She started judging the cucumber that was laying on the ground woefully like a loser. Suddenly, Mosquito chan pinned (Y/N) to the wall. “I love your eyes (Y/N)” she whispered into the air next to (Y/N), whose name was Steve. (Y/N) gasped, her heart rate increasing. She felt the fatty lipoproteins in her arteries increase, blocking up her blood vessels. She felt like she was going to have a stroke. 

No, she WAS the stroke. Alive, fighting, wanting to take over everything until there was nothing left of the person.


	3. Chapter 3

No, she WAS the stroke. Alive, fighting, wanting to take over everything until there was nothing left of the person. 

Mosquito chan grabbed a strand of (Y/N)’s hair and curled it around her fingers… as well as her entire body, mummifying herself. (Y/N) realised that the long awaited kiss was not about to happen, her heart gets so heavy that she literally falls through the floor, ripping all her hair off from her scalp. (Y/N) is so perfect her hair regenerates twice the speed it was destroyed. Then, she realised!!!! She was part werewolf-vampire-witch-donkey, so THAT’S why she’s so sexy and perfect. As (Y/N) realises this, she plummets into the core of the earth and melts into goo…. Not just any goo. It's the sexiest goo the world has ever seen and discovered. 

(Y/N) teleports herself with her telekinesis and mind reading powers, causing her to resurface onto the earth. She runs into the arms of her beloved hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate, crying. 

“Let’s date,” he offers, extending a hand. 

(Y/N) felt conflicted, she loves her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate, but she also loves mosquito chan because she is a hot babe. She doesn’t know who to pick. 

“I will drink all your blood everyday so that you dry up and your skin becomes nothing but flakes, and even then, I will turn you into the most gothic cornflakes anyone has even seen.” her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate promises. 

(Y/N) swooned. It was the most romantic thing she has heard in her entire life. 

“No, I will.” argues Mosquito chan, appearing out of the green. “I will drink so much of your blood you will wrinkle up and shrink like a pea, and then I will make you multiply and put you into a bag to make the most sexiest bag of peas ever known to mankind.” 

“Disgusting,” retorts her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate. “She wants to look corn-flaky and sexy like me, not like a grandpa you hooligan.” 

They argued for approximately 5 years angrily. 

“Pick me (Y/N), he will give you cardiovascular diseases such as myocardial infarction and abnormal heart rhythm... ” groans Mosquito chan. 

“Pick me (Y/N), she will make you look like a grandpa…..” moans (Y/N)’s hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate. 

The weight of the decision made her explode and tear every single piece of hair on her goat’s head in half vertically. She bought a pet imaguania and named it after the universe she created in the blink of an eye, Arkidia. Hearing this, all the letter Js in the universe jumped out and created a new type of jam called ‘JAEMS’. (Y/N) loved it so much she considered eating her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate during her annual weekly mafia boss dinner party. (She’s a mafia boss because her dad died and passed the role onto her.) She got mad and started promoting her new favorite type of jam to CNN sexily.

After the news of the new type of jam being created, it tore a swirling vortex into the fabric of reality and made a time gap in the universe. Out of the vortex, a giant naked mole rat appeared. However, (Y/N)’s hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate had already sucked all the blood out of it, so it staggered weakly towards her.

“(Y/N)………...do you remember me…...I am………….Badoodle………...” the naked mole rat said feebly. 

Visions of an alternate universe flash in (Y/N)’s eyes. However, she decides that she does not care because of her Gothic tendencies. (thats so rock n roll) She felt a little depressed then and read aloud a depressing book to her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate and Mosquito chan. 

Approximately 666 years later (geddit bc she’s gothic) her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate spoke up.

“Oh great (Y/N) -senpai, have you made your decision yet?”

She sighs in a depressed way, rolling her eyes up so that you can see the reddish whites of her eyes.

“I choose…………” Everyone drum-rolls, except in a mosquito way, so all you hear is an annoying EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

And then, something amazing happens.


	4. Chapter 4

And then, something amazing happens. 

“PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!!!!!!” Ashes of Ketchup runs out from the void and accidentally brings a pastor with him. The force of his running forces all three of them to sign a marriage certificate. 

“I now pronounce you… husband and wife and wife. You may now kiss the middle wife.”

(Y/N) ’s hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate and Mosquito chan burst into happy non-gothic tears and kiss her hot atmosphere, causing the entire Milky Bar to erupt with applause for the newly wedding three-people-couple.

“STOP I OBJECT” screams (Y/N) s second cousin four times removed yells.

“MY HOT VAMPIRE CHILDHOOD-FRIEND-NEIGHBOUR-CLASSMATE DOESN'T SUCK MY BLOOD ENOUGH WHAT SHOULD I DO” (Y/N) cries in a happy way. She cried tears of blood as sadness enveloped her like a piece of mail. She suddenly gets deported to Madagascar where she performs at a concert singing and dancing to “I Like To Move It Move It”. 

“Hey,” someone whispers to her, “I think I like Moto Moto.”

“Well,” she whispers back. “I think Moto Moto likes me.”

The walls cave in as her husband and wife run in to save her from the ruins of the ruins of the ruins. She watched it happen as she had an urge to call for help.

“Oh, Dumblydore! Please help me!” she sobbed in a depressed way. However, she realizes her mistake too late, as her second spice (plural of spouse) teleports into the room. 

Blood trickles down ivory fangs as her wife speaks, voice lowered; her silver-streaked hair falling over her porcelain shoulders. 

“He’s not good enough for you,” she says, “let’s run away. Somewhere where he can’t ever find us.”

(Y/N) sobs, “I can’t. I-”

“He was going to cheat on you, (Y/N), that’s how I met you in the first place.”

(Y/N) blinks back the tears stinging her eyes. She never wanted it to be this way. But she could feel it. A temptation slipping through her lips like honey. Yes. That’s all she had to say. Just three simple letters.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Before she could, he burst into the room. (Y/N)’s eyes widened. He had heard them. 

“Why, (Y/N)? Am I not good enough for you?” He sobbed. “Just...what does she have that I don’t?”

“You. Y-YOU’RE NOT A VIRGIN!” (Y/N) shrieked, feeling the white-hot rage force its way out of her throat. 

“Huh?”

“Your virginity cards have been revoked.” 

THE WORLD EXPLODES INTO A FIERY NEBULA OF MELTED SPICY CHEESE AND SUDDENLY (Y/N) AND HER HOT BOYFRIEND AND EVEN HOTTER GIRLFRIEND APPEAR IN A DIRTY PARKING LOT.

“Where are we?????”

“I dunno, a strip club?”

And lo and behold! They were at a strip club. (Y/N) went inside and watched a Sexy Mee Bovie whilst her hot vampire childhood-friend-neighbour-classmate-husband-boyfriend and mosquito chan girlfriend-wife watch her watching the Sexy Mee Bovie sexily and eat fried duck.

However the bouncer who just happened to be Bed Sheeran walked up to them and threw them off the Empire State Building since they were frenching with the floor way too much. Wall-kun got very jealous at this and threw a fit, causing everyone to spontaneously blow bubbles at each other to see who has a bigger left pinkie toe. (Y/N) was very angry about the fact that she couldn’t join in on the bubble blowing competition, so she rented a U-Haul and piled all her dead bodies in here, before charging straight at her spice and ran them over. 

““I will defy all laws of aviation,” (Y/N) smirked, and this time her spice stayed dead instead of resurrecting for plot convenience.

“And now… for my MASTER PLAN. I did all this to suffe-“


	5. Epilogue

“And now… for my MASTER PLAN. I did all this to suffe-“

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.

(Y/N) yawns as her Evil Stepmother™ (which is actually just her pet grass) beeps at her to wake up. She groans a sexy groan and walks out of bed in a depressed way. She paints pentagrams on her pet rock’s asshole as she ate her breakfast. She walks out of the house, looks up at the beautiful morning sky in a very anime-like style, and sighs.

Today’s going to be another normal school day.

-random time skip all wattpad stories have-

(Y/N) crawled shyly down the school halls, tossing her luscious (H/C) hair out of her face as countless pubescent rats chased after her. She batted her long spiky eyelashes that are so long they are used to swat manta rays. Her eyes were a purple (E/C) in colour and they were also luminous, glowing in the dark like stars. She wore a baggy trash bag with trash can lids and got away with it, even though there was a strict school uniform policy. 

But (Y/N) wasn’t like other girls.

“Man I’m so punk,” (Y/N) thought to herself. Although there is always a constant onslaught of infant stalkers following her everywhere, she somehow cannot see or notice them, despite their high-pitched fanboy screams. It was almost as if she has amnesia on a daily basis. As she continued walking down the halls, she hears a high-pitched tapping coming at her at full speed.

“YOU’LL FLOAT TOO.”  
“You’ll float too”  
“yOULL fLoAT tOo.”

(Y/N) gasped in a gothic way.

“(Y/N)…. I am your….. PENNYWISE HUSBAND AND WIFE.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

The sexy Penniwheeze (plural form for Pennywise) winked sexily at her, “We have a science project together.”

They hop onto the Bab boy motorcycle and floated away.

“I have only three words to tell you, oh sweet (Y/N),” the Penniwheeze sexily whispered to her in a hot way.

“ y o u ‘ l l f l o a t t o o .”

The end… or is it?

**Author's Note:**

> Support us on Wattpad too!  
> https://www.wattpad.com/user/thenotholy


End file.
